Surving Texas

Since my accident, which left me a quadriplegic during my teenage years, I have tried every remedy in the book to treat my symptoms safely. After 12 years of trying to justify my use of cannabis as a medicine in a small Texas county and living in fear of being arrested every day, I gave up in late 2009. I decided to quit consuming marijuana to stop my debilitating muscle spasms due to my spinal cord injury.

In early 2009, I was at the park having a family and friends picnic. The authorities driving by saw me and asked, me only, if I had anything on me. They asked if they could search the backpack on my wheelchair and van, and I went ahead and told them I had a misdemeanor amount on me. It was one of the 14 times that my van had been pulled over, and the 9th time that it had been searched in the last decade. I wasn't arrested on the spot, but I was sent a possession charge through the mail a few months later. It was my first case that resulted from being pulled over 14 times. My only other charge was in 2003 when my house was raided by the county drug task force, and I gave them the misdemeanor amount of cannabis that I had on me. Seven cars and a helicopter were used during that visit. That case was later dropped due to not having sufficient evidence in acquiring a search warrant. However, my computers and data drives were held for a year which was detrimental to my Internet consulting business. I lost many clients and opportunities that I never got back.

So, on this arrest, I gave up. I didn't hire a lawyer and decided to take a fine and 6 months probation. I will explain why. After 12 years of being pursued and accused of being a drug dealer, after testifying numerous times in front of legislature committee in support of a bill to change the laws, after over 30 instances of friends, clients, and family being pulled over and harassed coming to and leaving from my house, and after my reputation was severely damaged in my small town, I decided that it was not worth the trouble of using marijuana as a medicine anymore. Even though I had tried every pharmaceutical drug, which didn't work or either caused dangerous side effects or the inability to do work, I decided to quit the only logical, alternative that I had found to work while allowing me to function physically and mentally....marijuana.

I figured if the county succeeded in convicting me of a misdemeanor charge, and after testing clean for 6 months of probation, they would have deemed themselves victorious and successful from stopping me from using marijuana. I thought it would finally stop their relentless pursuit, and I would have peace. It would also force me to search and find another alternative that was as safe as marijuana and stopped my painful muscle spasms. However, I would soon discover, that quitting marijuana would lead me to more unforeseen health problems, and by being on probation, it gave the county a way to come after me even more. In fact, quitting the use of marijuana, was the worst thing I could have done.

I once again tried every legal remedy I read about on the Internet that could possibly sedate my painful leg and abdominal muscle spasms. Everything from valerian root to kava kava root to herbal teas would not work, and I refused to go back to trying heavy narcotics and turn myself into a drooling vegetable. Each day, my muscle spasms got worse than the day before. I couldn't work or concentrate on anything due to constant jerking of my legs and abdominal muscles. I started taking shots of vodka as a last resort sedative. It worked at first, but then my tolerance level grew. It look more alcohol to stop my spasms, therefore causing me to be drunk and unable to function, much like being on narcotics.

The constant shearing and sliding in my wheelchair from the all day muscle spasms caused major damage to my skin, and before I realized it, I had rubbed a very bad pressure sore on my leg. I could no longer sit in my chair. It caused me to be bedridden 24/7 until it healed completely. My worst nightmare came true, and I was forced to be in the bed for 5 straight months. It had to be worse than spending time in jail. I could go nowhere, and I couldn't work on my computer flat on my back, so my consulting work came to a halt and medical bills soared. Being isolated in a tiny room for 5 months can be quite a mental and spiritual challenge. To make things worse, my muscle spasms were at their peak. My mother would have to wake up 6 times during the night for months just to hold my legs until they calmed down, so that I didn't fly off the bed. Living as a quadriplegic is a daily survival itself...adding challenges that could have been avoided can be quite heartbreaking. A life being confined to a wheelchair is hard for most to imagine. Now imagine being in a position where all you hope for is to be back in your wheelchair again. That was where I was.

Around the third month of this difficult time, two sheriff deputies came to my bedside to tell me that they had a warrant for my arrest. I was told that they had searched my other property where my office and multimedia studios are located and found a pinch of marijuana on the desk of my main computer. I was told that they were allowed to search all my properties without a warrant because of the terms of my probation. While I wasn't there, they did a full drug task force raid of my offices as a "probation visit", however my probation officer was not informed about it. I had told all the people that had access to my computer and studios, that marijuana cannot be around me, because I was on probation. However, while you are not around, it's virtually impossible to make everyone you know obey the rules.
The deputies stood at the end of my bed with my mom crying from fear of me going to jail and weeks of exhaustion. She was in pure shock. The deputies told me that they wouldn't take me to jail until I was healed, and stated that I needed to turn myself in when I could get back in my wheelchair. It was at this time that I realized that their main goal was to put me in jail using any probation violations they could think of. I hired a local lawyer to speak to the county attorney to see if my probation had been revoked, but no one had information for him. I knew that if my probation was revoked, they may not give me a bond, and I would have to spend time in jail until a court hearing and risk further injury without proper care. Issuing a bond for deferred adjudicated probation of a misdemeanor is usually done, but the county attorney has the option to refuse one. But as of then, my probation had not been revoked.

About a month after my arrest visit from the sheriff deputies and 4 months into my injury, the doctor allowed me to start sitting in my chair for 90 minutes a day. It would be the start of a gradual sitting tolerance rehabilitation program that takes 3 months before one can sit on a wheelchair cushion all day. It was time for my final probation visit, and since everyone I called said that my probation had not been revoked, I decided to spend my second day up in my chair going to the courthouse and ending my probation. I was hoping that they would test me for marijuana, so that I could prove that I've done everything under my control to not violate my probation, which included many sleepless nights with non-stop muscle spasticity. To control my spasms for the probation visit, so that I didn't reinjure myself, I had been trying a synthetic marijuana that I heard about in the news called JWH-018 that mimicked the effects of cannabis. It was being sold in local convenient stores legally as herbal incense with brands like "K2" and "Serenity Now." I tried it and it actually worked amazingly well. A couple of puffs controlled my muscle spasms for hours. However, for me, it has unwanted side effects such as heavy anxiety and sometimes irregular breathing. I'm not sure if that's from the synthetic or the herbs mixed with it. But it is currently a legal backup to medical marijuana, and until my court case is over, I'm having to risk the short and possible long term effects of the synthetic to avoid re-injuring myself and being bedridden again. The synthetic will become illegal in most states soon, because unlike a safe, natural herb like marijuana, it doesn't have an intoxication ceiling, and smoking or ingesting too much can cause increased heart rate and panic attacks. It concerns me, because I don't want to put something in my body that could hurt me in the long run. My health is my priority. I didn't choose to use marijuana as a medicine because I wanted to get high. There's prescribed drugs that will do that for you legally if that's your goal. I chose marijuana as a medicine, because it had the least side effects and I didn't need to increase my dose over time. Because tolerance levels are maintained and it's not physically addictive, the same amount works each day to control my spasms and there are no withdrawal symptoms. It just works, and for me it has become a medical necessity for survival.

I arrived for my last probation visit. My fines were all paid. When my probation officer saw me, he told me that a deputy was with him to take me to jail, because my probation had been revoked the day before due to my new charge. I left with the deputy and entered the jail part of the courthouse. A jail nurse was there and started interviewing me about my daily and long term nursing needs, and I realized that I was about to spend time in jail. I told her and the deputy that I wasn't healed completely and that I was still under doctor's care. I told them that I had already passed my allowed sitting time, and that if I didn't get back in bed immediately, I would injure myself worse. They spent some time deliberating, then told me that I can go home until I heal. I was told that as soon as the doctor releases me, I needed to turn myself in.

When I came home that, I found out that sitting up too long did cause me to relapse, and I would have to spend another month in bed without getting up at all. Just 5 days after my courthouse visit, two sheriff deputies came to my bedside again to see if I was able to go back to jail and get booked in. With all the attention, I started to feel I was being treated like I was a murder suspect. Fortunately, my nurse was there at the time and assured them that I was still under doctor's care and had to stay in bed to heal.

After 5 months of being injured, the doctor allowed me start my sitting time again that would be gradually increased weekly until I could eventually sit all day. On the second day in my chair, I was outside my house when the deputies showed up for the third time. Because I was out of bed, they said that I needed to come to be booked in as soon as possible. I told them that I was waiting until I could sit more than two hours, and until I was assured that a bond for my revoked probation would be issued. They told me that I had to come in within the next few days to be arrested and booked, no matter what.

I was literally a fugitive who was about to go to jail. My lawyer was trying to get me a bond set, but the county attorney, who I had went to high school with, refused to give me one. I didn't know what else to do. It was psychologically overwhelming to know that I complied with my probation, and it not only led to an injury and 5 months in bed, but now would send me to jail for weeks waiting to see a judge. The thought of the improper care that I would receive in jail was frightening, cruel, and unusual punishment. My lawyer could not even believe how I was being targeted and given more attention than real criminals with much bigger charges. He kept calling the county attorney, explaining that it was common for bonds to be issued on revoked deferred adjudicated, misdemeanor probation, and that putting me in jail would cost big taxpayer money for proper care. The county attorney finally agreed, and the judge issued me a bond. I was finally able to turn myself in and bail out without having to spend weeks in jail. It felt great to longer have an arrest warrant, but I still have to deal with the case when it comes up soon. I'm going to need good lawyers, and the costs will continue to grow.

It's amazing how you can be viewed over time by different groups in a small town due to character defamation and rumors. Everyone in the town once supported me and I was a source of inspiration as I went on to graduate Valedictorian followed by a bachelor's degree in computer engineering. I was even a town celebrity when I got married on "Live with Regis and Kathie Lee" in the 90's. But after you are constantly pursued by the local law enforcement, you are judged differently. Those who don't know me well think a once promising, young man has turned to drugs and thrown his life away. A small group of people even deem what I do as immoral, because it is illegal. The people that do know me see me as an intelligent, successful Internet businessman, who continues to do exciting projects. They know I will give my time and the shirt off my back to help anyone in need. My friends and family are witnesses to why I need to use marijuana as a medicine, and they accept it, because they know I'm making the best intelligent choice I can to stop my pain. They know that marijuana is not destroying my brain, but it does make me a criminal, which affects them by associating with me. Sadly, if laws do not change, I'll have to move out of my county soon and leave all of my friends and family, just to protect them.

It's a scary America, when a patient's rights are dramatically different from state to state. When someone in Texas can go to jail for a long time for using the same medicine as someone in California, it is a travesty. When rights that are left to be delegated by the states, such as medical marijuana laws, cause a severe violation to the notion of "equal American", this must become a patient's civil right issue. From severe punishment in Texas to being allowed to grow your own medicine in California, it's proof that we are not equal as Americans. Such a civil right inconsistency for patients must be addressed, perhaps all the way to the Supreme Court.